


Bees?

by Dracomalfoyy



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bruce Banner Needs a Hug, Hurt Clint Barton, OHANA MEANS FAMILY, and family means murder?, bruce banner and clint barton both cheat at card games, bruce banner is done, clint barton is stubborn, gratuitous use of lilo and stitch, steve rogers is mom, tony stark simply cannot see problems anymore
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-21
Updated: 2020-08-21
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:22:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26019496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dracomalfoyy/pseuds/Dracomalfoyy
Summary: Bruce Banner and Clint Barton are rarely allowed on missions together. This is pretty much why.
Relationships: Bruce Banner & Clint Barton, Bruce Banner & Steve Rogers, Bruce Banner & Tony Stark
Kudos: 24





	Bees?

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [If I was dying on my knees (You would be the one to rescue me)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21221171) by [Dracomalfoyy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dracomalfoyy/pseuds/Dracomalfoyy). 



The Avengers alarm was the worst thing Bruce had ever heard in his life. There was a lot of competition for that role but after a year of begrudgingly living with the ‘super-team of cool guys and gals’, he just knew that he hated the stupid alarm. 

He was regretting letting Tony talk him into this whole team living together thing. 

He stood, pocketing the small device he’d been fiddling with as he made his way down to meet the rest of the team downstairs. Bruce always hoped he’d be benched and left in his lab to support from afar but Steve was insistent that no-one was left behind. It had become even more unbearable since he’d watched Lilo & Stitch and started quoting at any sign of protest. 

Luck appeared to be on his side today. He still had to board the quinjet and go to the fight with the rest of the team but he didn’t have to join the fight. He was officially supposed to be keeping an eye on Clint, who’d returned from a 2-week long stakeout mere minutes before the alarm sounded. It was the only time Steve had ever suggested someone stay back, so obviously Clint was going to go because he was ‘more awake than ever Steve!’ and ‘could take on Thor without breaking a sweat right now’. 

They landed 15 minutes outside of Canada, everyone but Clint and Bruce suited up ready to face the newest threat. Steve made them keep their comms in, just in case, because there had been one or two occasions where they went in outnumbered and got their asses handed to them. Then the jet was empty, save Clint at the controls and Bruce next to him. Clint pulled a pack of cards from somewhere, eyes flicking up to Bruce. He shrugged, leaning back in his chair as Clint dealt them out. They played a couple of rounds of Durak, which quickly turned into Clint folding the cards into paper darts while Bruce dared him to lodge them in various places. Just as Clint had wedged a paper dark into the eye socket of a spare Ironman helmet, the comms in their ears lit up.

“So,” Steve panted into their ears, “there’s two of them. One of them just took off so please follow her. We’ll be right behind you in another jet.” He cut off abruptly. 

Bruce slumped in his seat as they took off behind the runaway villain, sulkily pulling his seatbelt on. Clint had crashed the quinjet into someone before and it was likely that he would do it again if necessary. 

Tony watched the quinjet take off behind the second guy they’d been fighting, turning away just before a black cloud swept across the sky in the same direction.

Clint had barely landed the quinjet on the ground before he was ripping off his seatbelt and rushing out the back, keyed up on adrenaline. He leapt from the back of the quinjet, out of Bruce’s eye line. Bruce undid his seatbelt, stretching thoroughly. He stood and checked that the jet was parked, then checked again just to be safe. He checked their location out of curiosity, the little pin placing them in Stanstead, Quebec. He slowly made his way across the jet, confident that Clint was probably fine fighting without him. He fought Natasha daily and won quite often. He didn’t really need Bruce or Hulk to help him out. Carefully, he seated himself on the edge of the ramp, watching Clint wrestle with the freakishly strong woman they’d followed. 

Clint seemed like he was faring pretty well until he stumbled slightly. If he had slept for 10 minutes or so before this mission it wouldn’t have happened. But it did. And thus began the downfall. His stumble provided just enough time for the enemy to kick out at his left ankle, which snapped as easily as a twig. Clint dropped down, deciding to block the enemy attacks while he recovered and found a moment to strike again. The moment never came as the woman stomped down onto his wrist, pinning it down to his shoulder. Bruce heard more sickening cracks as he jumped off the jet, running towards the fight. Clint screamed at him, claiming that he had her and didn’t need any help. He ignored him and reached into his pocket, tossing the first thing he found at the woman, hopefully buying Clint some time.

Just as he began to turn, he heard a sudden loud buzzing from behind him. He ducked out of instinct, narrowly avoiding the swarm that descended onto the woman. She screamed, swatting the air around her to get rid of the bees. It didn’t work as more arrived, all headed straight towards her. Bruce took in the scene, Clint lying broken and bleeding on the floor, the woman gasping for breath on her knees, hundreds of bees angrily circling. Everything went spotty and Bruce wasn’t sure whether he was passing out or hulking out, but either way, he figured he could blame Steve and his ohana bullshit.

He woke up, which was already a bad thing since he had no recollection of actually going to bed. He wasn’t in an actual hospital bed but he was in a hospital, in a bed. Bruce’s initial plan was to pretend that he hadn’t yet woken up so that he didn’t have to face whatever he’d done in Stanstead. His plan was foiled when a paper aeroplane made from a probably important chart sheet hit him in the face. He cracked one eye open, spotting Clint in an actual hospital bed across the room. Miraculously alive, looking far too gleeful for someone who had just been through what they had. He unfolded the chart sheet aeroplane, reading off what Clint was laden down with. Broken wrist, broken ankle, broken collarbone which required surgery, plus dehydration, exhaustion, and all the cuts and bruises from his previous mission. He opened his mouth to ask so many questions, only to be cut off by Tony entering the room.

“So, a few little things. Firstly, the witch is dead.” He seated himself on the edge of Clint’s bed. “Secondly, the witch had a lethal bee allergy. Finally, and this is the fun one, Bruce over here seems to be running a bee brothel.” 

Both Bruce and Clint looked at Tony, confused. He held up a little silver box, that Bruce recognised as the device he’d been tinkering with earlier and had thrown at the woman to hopefully save Clint.

“The little bee beacon you had on you transmitted the same negative charge that flowers have. As far as the bees knew, they were just following a huge metal flower with wings. I’m assuming you tossed it as a last-ditch attempt to save Legolas, so it kind of worked in a morbid, permanent way.” Tony flashed a quick smirk, chucking the device onto Bruce’s bed.

“Oh God! I killed her!” he moaned, burying his head in his hands.

“Technically, genetics killed her. Your pet bees helped out a little. You shouldn’t feel too bad anyway, she probably would have killed me otherwise.” Clint said cheerily. Bruce groaned louder. 

“You said you had her! You told me it was under control!” 

“I didn’t wanna freak you out! Sorry for being a nice person and not making you transform into a big green rage machine!” Clint crossed his arms over his chest as best as he could, sighing dramatically. Tony stood up again, probably going to get Steve for their lecture. Whatever. Bring him in here. Bruce had a few things to lecture him on as well. Like letting unnecessary team members stay home so they didn’t inflict a cruel, seemingly targeted death on the person they were fighting. Tony stopped at the door, keeping his back turned to the two avengers.

“You have also been legally banned from Canada for at least a year. Which, I mean, is fair since you caused death and left hundreds of bees terrorising a town.”

Bruce dropped his head back, suddenly wishing that he was the one with the violent bee allergy.

**Author's Note:**

> The pure amount of bee puns I forced myself not to type in this  
> I'm disgusted at myself and also I'm so sorry but as soon as I wrote the inspo for thus I wanted to write this. It's kinda taken me a while but I got there


End file.
